Thursday, July 29, 2010

Warning: Music by "The Villas" may make Raccoons commit suicide.

Sixty days ago we moved in to our new home in Upper Milford. It wasn't new, but it was new to us. We like living on the south side of the Mountain from Emmaus. It is quiet at night, and we have seen every type of animal this summer.

   Around July Fourth My Golden retriever tangled with a raccoon by the garbage. It required stitches, and I wasn't thrilled about it. That is what happens when you let your dog out at dark before you go to work.

I thought it was a fluke thing, but I was wrong. The damn things have been living under my deck. I had to call an exterminator. I don't care if they live in the woods, but I can't have them digging around my foundation, know what I'm saying? We want our daughter to be safe playing in the yard as she gets bigger. So the exterminator came and trapped four Raccoons.
     That wasn't the end of it. They still kept getting in the garbage.I asked around, and a neighbor said he had put music playing on a timer behind his garage and that the raccoons couldn't stand it. (He played AC/DC)
    I decided to give that a try. I went online and downloaded free music from the Villas website, and  used the CD's I got back when I was with the Sheena squad. It's not all that good, at best they are an average garage band that wrote one song an obscure TV show (Dawson's Creep?) that has been off the air ten years now liked. I timed it to start playing at 9 and shut off at 5AM. It started Sunday night.

    I feel real guilty about this. When I came home from work Wednesday morning there were three dead Raccoons on Veracruz road by our house. THREE! Did the music drive them to kill themselves? Are they throwing themselves in front of cars to make the music stop?

    It's the only logical explanation I can think of, but two of my neighbors asked me to make a copy of my tape. I want to do it, but I think I am being cruel. What if it makes the deer and rabbits commit suicide too?

   And what if all the birds start flying at full speed into the sides of houses because they can't stand it either?
    This is a terrible responsibility I have. I am going to have to think about it.

4 comments:

  1. Absolutly Hilarious! I will have to try it to keep the squirrels out of my eaves!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Average Smart AlecJuly 30, 2010 at 12:23 PM

    >>(Villas music is) not all that good, at best they are an average garage band that wrote one song an obscure TV show (Dawson's Creep?) that has been off the air ten years now liked.<<

    Just curious - using your yardstick of "average", how would you rank your blog?

    Comparatively speaking, if Villas music is "average" (neither better nor worse than the middle of the bell curve of independent musical production), would you say your blog is "better", "as good as", or "worse than" the "average" blog?

    I know I'm asking you to compare apples and oranges. Perhaps one basis of comparison could be audience reaction - the number of Villas CDs sold vs. the total number of comments you've ever gotten at your blog.

    Not counting this one.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Hey 12;23, I bet I know who you are! It's been tree months, but here you are worried what people are saying about you.

    I have a counter comparison for you. I say count the number of comments on my blog by real people versus all the comments on your blog that "real people" actually wrote. And you can't count yourself, even if you use 500 different anon names.

    And who cares about album sales compared to my blog? If it was that important I'd have advertising and do it everyday. I don't, but I got under your skin. I CLAIM VICTORY!

    ReplyDelete
  4. As well you should, Third Baseman.

    A REAL PERSON

    ReplyDelete

Political correctness isn't my strong suit.