Thursday, July 29, 2010

Warning: Music by "The Villas" may make Raccoons commit suicide.

Sixty days ago we moved in to our new home in Upper Milford. It wasn't new, but it was new to us. We like living on the south side of the Mountain from Emmaus. It is quiet at night, and we have seen every type of animal this summer.

   Around July Fourth My Golden retriever tangled with a raccoon by the garbage. It required stitches, and I wasn't thrilled about it. That is what happens when you let your dog out at dark before you go to work.

I thought it was a fluke thing, but I was wrong. The damn things have been living under my deck. I had to call an exterminator. I don't care if they live in the woods, but I can't have them digging around my foundation, know what I'm saying? We want our daughter to be safe playing in the yard as she gets bigger. So the exterminator came and trapped four Raccoons.
     That wasn't the end of it. They still kept getting in the garbage.I asked around, and a neighbor said he had put music playing on a timer behind his garage and that the raccoons couldn't stand it. (He played AC/DC)
    I decided to give that a try. I went online and downloaded free music from the Villas website, and  used the CD's I got back when I was with the Sheena squad. It's not all that good, at best they are an average garage band that wrote one song an obscure TV show (Dawson's Creep?) that has been off the air ten years now liked. I timed it to start playing at 9 and shut off at 5AM. It started Sunday night.

    I feel real guilty about this. When I came home from work Wednesday morning there were three dead Raccoons on Veracruz road by our house. THREE! Did the music drive them to kill themselves? Are they throwing themselves in front of cars to make the music stop?

    It's the only logical explanation I can think of, but two of my neighbors asked me to make a copy of my tape. I want to do it, but I think I am being cruel. What if it makes the deer and rabbits commit suicide too?

   And what if all the birds start flying at full speed into the sides of houses because they can't stand it either?
    This is a terrible responsibility I have. I am going to have to think about it.

Wednesday, May 5, 2010

I hate moving.

I hate moving, but I am glad we are out of that neighborhood.

I felt really guilty about selling the house I grew up in. I asked my Mom if she would get mad at me for selling it. She told me she wondered what had took me so long.

  We got the price we wanted from a flipper. The catch was we had to be out by April 30. The place we bought won't be empty until May 31 so we are at my parents for now.

   This has been a pain in the ass. We tried to store everything we thought was not essential at a store it place, but it seems like my wife thinks everything concerning our daughter is essential. I think the dog is doing better than the rest of us. She is getting all kinds of attention, almost as much as the baby.

  Moving once is bad enough, but twice in a month is really breaking my balls. I think once the stress of moving is done I will get back to ranting again regularly, but after working all night I am too damn tired to bitch about all the free money Pawlowski gives away.

Tuesday, April 6, 2010

Friends of Asphalt has a new leader

   A couple of years ago Mayor for Life Pawlowski helped form a group called "Friends of the Parks" to help push his "Pave the Parks" agenda.

  I saw on the Morning Call Blog that they picked a new leader. Another pom pom Polly to push the big plan to make the park, "BETTER."

   Nothing improves a Park like paving it. You save a lot of money not having to mow the grass. Without Grass and other plants, you don't have to worry about stupid crap like pollen making you sneeze.

   And who wants to ride their bike on dirt paths?

   That's too bumpy! You might have to slow down to avoid the parents pushing their 4 month old baby in a stroller and who wants to do that?
  I was walking the dog and my wife pushing the stroller and some jerk rode his bike between us sideswiping the stroller. Then he bitched at us for walking in the middle of the path. I guess we should have been walking in the creek where the bikes can't go, but they will probably get around to filling it in and paving it eventually.
  My Mom remembers when you could walk in the parkway and people were nice. It's not that way anymore. Thanks Mayor.
   I was thinking I should carry a big broom handle around in the park between me and my wife. Lets see some ass### try and cut between us then. On second thought, I give up.

   So go ahead, pave the parks. I won't be using them anymore anyway, we are moving to Upper Milford just outside of Emmaus. They still have parks out there. At least for a while.

Monday, March 29, 2010

Mayfair is locking five people in a car. Why not Mayor and his staff?

Two things I read in the morning Caw this weekend:

  First that Mayfair was going to lock people in a car during the event, and when it was over have a drawing between the survivors over who got a two year lease.

Second was that our Mayor For life was playing three card monte with the money from that loan he took out in 2006.

   I think we should combine these two news events.

  Lets lock Mayor Mc Cheeses, his financial advisors, and all of City Council in the car, and seal it up so they can't get any fresh air. Leave them in there for all of Mayfair, and charge admission to come look at all of them stuffed in the car. I would pay to see that. I bet a lot of people would. Though I wouldn't want to get a whiff of what the car would smell like inside afterward. I don't know if there is any amount of disinfecting or detailing that could take care of that.

Monday, March 15, 2010

Clowns with Chainsaws stalk South Mountain

Well, it looks like once again Mayor Clown Pawlowski and his Deputy Clown Parks Director Weasel are using the cover of night to sneak something past us in Allentown.

  It looks like they already got permission from the City Council Clowns to buy new Chainsaws and head on up to the Mountain.

  How about they film a very special episode of "Axe Men?" Could you see the loggers on Sounth Mountain?

  I have a bad feeling that we will be seeing loggers on South Mountain very soon, whether we like it or not.

Saturday, March 13, 2010

Where did the comments go?

Hey Everybody, I haven't refused any comments in a while, but I just noticed that the three I approved are not showing up. I don't know what happened. I haven't been on blogger but once since I posted, so I'm sorry if I screwed up the comments.

Tuesday, March 9, 2010

Cell Phones? That's the priority in Allentown?

City has a budget deficit in the millions. Parts of Allentown resemble the old west Frontier. So what is our electeds to do?

  Ban Cell Phones and build high Speed bike paths.

   Yeah, that's the ticket! I got one of those the other day because the meter ran out while I was getting a dog license at the Government center. I thought a quarter for fifteen minutes was enough, but the retards ahead of me in line screwed it all up. Thanks Allentown.