Warning: Music by "The Villas" may make Raccoons commit suicide.

Sixty days ago we moved in to our new home in Upper Milford. It wasn't new, but it was new to us. We like living on the south side of the Mountain from Emmaus. It is quiet at night, and we have seen every type of animal this summer.

   Around July Fourth My Golden retriever tangled with a raccoon by the garbage. It required stitches, and I wasn't thrilled about it. That is what happens when you let your dog out at dark before you go to work.

I thought it was a fluke thing, but I was wrong. The damn things have been living under my deck. I had to call an exterminator. I don't care if they live in the woods, but I can't have them digging around my foundation, know what I'm saying? We want our daughter to be safe playing in the yard as she gets bigger. So the exterminator came and trapped four Raccoons.
     That wasn't the end of it. They still kept getting in the garbage.I asked around, and a neighbor said he had put music playing on a timer behind his garage and that the raccoons couldn't stand it. (He played AC/DC)
    I decided to give that a try. I went online and downloaded free music from the Villas website, and  used the CD's I got back when I was with the Sheena squad. It's not all that good, at best they are an average garage band that wrote one song an obscure TV show (Dawson's Creep?) that has been off the air ten years now liked. I timed it to start playing at 9 and shut off at 5AM. It started Sunday night.

    I feel real guilty about this. When I came home from work Wednesday morning there were three dead Raccoons on Veracruz road by our house. THREE! Did the music drive them to kill themselves? Are they throwing themselves in front of cars to make the music stop?

    It's the only logical explanation I can think of, but two of my neighbors asked me to make a copy of my tape. I want to do it, but I think I am being cruel. What if it makes the deer and rabbits commit suicide too?

   And what if all the birds start flying at full speed into the sides of houses because they can't stand it either?
    This is a terrible responsibility I have. I am going to have to think about it.

I hate moving.

I hate moving, but I am glad we are out of that neighborhood.

I felt really guilty about selling the house I grew up in. I asked my Mom if she would get mad at me for selling it. She told me she wondered what had took me so long.

  We got the price we wanted from a flipper. The catch was we had to be out by April 30. The place we bought won't be empty until May 31 so we are at my parents for now.

   This has been a pain in the ass. We tried to store everything we thought was not essential at a store it place, but it seems like my wife thinks everything concerning our daughter is essential. I think the dog is doing better than the rest of us. She is getting all kinds of attention, almost as much as the baby.

  Moving once is bad enough, but twice in a month is really breaking my balls. I think once the stress of moving is done I will get back to ranting again regularly, but after working all night I am too damn tired to bitch about all the free money Pawlowski gives away.

Friends of Asphalt has a new leader

   A couple of years ago Mayor for Life Pawlowski helped form a group called "Friends of the Parks" to help push his "Pave the Parks" agenda.

  I saw on the Morning Call Blog that they picked a new leader. Another pom pom Polly to push the big plan to make the park, "BETTER."

   Nothing improves a Park like paving it. You save a lot of money not having to mow the grass. Without Grass and other plants, you don't have to worry about stupid crap like pollen making you sneeze.

   And who wants to ride their bike on dirt paths?

   That's too bumpy! You might have to slow down to avoid the parents pushing their 4 month old baby in a stroller and who wants to do that?
  I was walking the dog and my wife pushing the stroller and some jerk rode his bike between us sideswiping the stroller. Then he bitched at us for walking in the middle of the path. I guess we should have been walking in the creek where the bikes can't go, but they will probably get around to filling it in and paving it eventually.
  My Mom remembers when you could walk in the parkway and people were nice. It's not that way anymore. Thanks Mayor.
   I was thinking I should carry a big broom handle around in the park between me and my wife. Lets see some ass### try and cut between us then. On second thought, I give up.

   So go ahead, pave the parks. I won't be using them anymore anyway, we are moving to Upper Milford just outside of Emmaus. They still have parks out there. At least for a while.

Mayfair is locking five people in a car. Why not Mayor and his staff?

Two things I read in the morning Caw this weekend:

  First that Mayfair was going to lock people in a car during the event, and when it was over have a drawing between the survivors over who got a two year lease.

Second was that our Mayor For life was playing three card monte with the money from that loan he took out in 2006.

   I think we should combine these two news events.

  Lets lock Mayor Mc Cheeses, his financial advisors, and all of City Council in the car, and seal it up so they can't get any fresh air. Leave them in there for all of Mayfair, and charge admission to come look at all of them stuffed in the car. I would pay to see that. I bet a lot of people would. Though I wouldn't want to get a whiff of what the car would smell like inside afterward. I don't know if there is any amount of disinfecting or detailing that could take care of that.

Clowns with Chainsaws stalk South Mountain

Well, it looks like once again Mayor Clown Pawlowski and his Deputy Clown Parks Director Weasel are using the cover of night to sneak something past us in Allentown.

  It looks like they already got permission from the City Council Clowns to buy new Chainsaws and head on up to the Mountain.

  How about they film a very special episode of "Axe Men?" Could you see the loggers on Sounth Mountain?

  I have a bad feeling that we will be seeing loggers on South Mountain very soon, whether we like it or not.

Where did the comments go?

Hey Everybody, I haven't refused any comments in a while, but I just noticed that the three I approved are not showing up. I don't know what happened. I haven't been on blogger but once since I posted, so I'm sorry if I screwed up the comments.

Cell Phones? That's the priority in Allentown?

City has a budget deficit in the millions. Parts of Allentown resemble the old west Frontier. So what is our electeds to do?

  Ban Cell Phones and build high Speed bike paths.

   Yeah, that's the ticket! I got one of those the other day because the meter ran out while I was getting a dog license at the Government center. I thought a quarter for fifteen minutes was enough, but the retards ahead of me in line screwed it all up. Thanks Allentown.

Allentown to tax Turds

You can't say that the mayor is not original.

 Mayor Pawlowski announced today that the city is instituting a "TURD Tax". The city has contracted with one of his campaign donors to install Turd counters on all the toilets in the city. Property owners will be responsible for paying the $175 per toilet installation fee of the device that will monitor for turds.
   Former Mayor Roy Afflerbach has been appointed the Turd Czar, and will have a full complement of Turd compliance officers working under him. These officers will have the authority to inspect and ticket all places where toilets are not in compliance.
   Unlike the Blue uniformed officers of the parking authority, the Turd authority will wear brown uniforms and carry cattle prods.
   Critics have complained that this will only drive people to take their craps out in the suburbs, instead of the city, thus costing the City revenue in the long run.

My Vision for Bike Paths

Sometime in the year 2020 the bike paths in the Allentown/Lehigh County park system will be expanded to allow cars.

  "Not everyone can ride a bike or walk a footpath, and we think allowing cars to drive through the parks will enhance the experience for residents" explained Mayor Weitzel. "We do plan a mandatory 75 MPH speed limit, allowing us to apply for Federal department of Transportation funds to pave and maintain the new roadway. We also haven't ruled out making it a TOLL Road."

  It's gonna happen, I'm tellin' you now. Lights in the Parkway was the first wave.

  The bad ideas and ignorance of the past from Mayor McCheese Pawlowski and his Shamburglars keeps surprising me. Here's an inconvenient tidbit from Mike Molovinsky's blog:


CONCLUSION FROM FATAL ACCIDENT IN TREXLER PARK IN 1989



"Last year, a consultant recommended in a study of Trexler Park that cyclists be banned.


Efforts to confine walkers and bicyclists to separate lanes have not been effective, and the cyclists are dangerous to pedestrians, the study, by Andropogon Associates Ltd. of Philadelphia, concluded. "
 
   If it was such a bad idea in 1989, why is it a great idea now? It isn't.

Poofin' the Hoopty

My Wife has made a slight suggestion that I have decided to follow. She doesn't mind my bloggin' but she wants me to quit tradin' barbs with the troll.

  She doesn't want me gettin' down in the gutter with him. Some of the other Blog people want me to ignore him and go back to my clown postings.

  I'm gonna POOF those couple of posts and stop right there. I'm not pullin' an LVCI and bailin' all the way even though I respect the guy. LVCI did what he thought best for him. I'm doing what's best for me. (and to please my other half, I admit it.)

The Clowns are still gonna catch hell. Troll can claim whatever he wants, but they got a point. He ain't worth the bother, and we are gonna move.

Clowns, Clowns, everywhere a Clown!

Man, it has been a tough week for the people of our neighborhood. There's been a bunch of vandalism and break ins, but I haven't seen a damn thing about it in the Morning Caw.

  Speaking of the CAW, the city is suing them for asking to many damn questions and being too fuckin' nosy.

  The CAW reporter wants to see emails Mayor for life Pawlowski sent to all the clowns working under him. The naysayers on the Mayor for Life's team claim its a fishing expedition.

  I think Mayor for life is trying to hide what a deceitful lying piece of crap he is. I was wondering why Joyce Marin was so eager to get the fuck out of DODGE CITY Allentown and get to Spain. Where the rain falls mainly on the plain. Gonna be hard to question her , huh?

I'm not in a very good mood lately. I'm not getting much sleep. My work schedule is "in flux" and my wife went back to work. I wonder what people who don't have retired parents nearby to help care for their kids do? How do you afford that shit? I'm glad my in-laws are in Illinois, but I'm glad my parents are here in town.

   Obama's talking about doubling the child dependent deduction, and I am all for it. I admit it, it helps me. Do you blame me? Damn thing is Pawlowski will probably grab it to pay for another 50 administrators.
   What the fuck is up with raising the yearly rental inspection fee 500%? $15 to $75 is pretty fuckin' steep! Anything to make a buck, like that's gonna drive the riff raff out of DODGE Allentown?

   This morning I walked the dog at 4 am when I got home. When I got to her favorite spot in the Alley, I unzipped and drained a vein too. I want to see if neighbor boy goes out and tries to get a DNA sample from it. From what I read this morning, he was up all night in his basement practicing for his Mayfair gig.

   How much money does DODGE CITY Allentown give to support Mayfair? If they are paying the Trolls to perform, I am never attending that damn thing again. I don't want any of my taxes going to the Trolls. That really pisses me off. Fuckin Clowns are ruining everything, even Mayfair.

  My wife thinks we should move. I'm beginning to think we should.

City Without Limits? Are you Kidding Me?

I want to know how much this brilliant slogan cost us. The crack team at left is responsible for it.

City without Ammo Limits?

City without speed limits? City With Limited Intelligence?

City of Morons?

City of Special Needs?

That last one is perfect!

Allentown School Board Clowns approve Gambling!

 What the Fuck! These people are idiots! Did they not learn anything from what happened with the Bethlehem School District when they played with that SWAPTION crap?

  I can't fuckin' believe what I am reading in the Morning caw this morning. These maroons are making this bet (and its a multi million dollar bet!) and explaining that they have a couple million dollars in the bank to cover any market "swings."

  For Real? If you got a couple of mill lying around for that, why the fuck you raising our taxes over four percent?! The School district budget is $238 million dollars! The damn city isn't $100 million!

   My wife already explained to me that our daughter will be attending private school, if she has to pay for it herself. So much for getting my moneys worth from that shithole of an excuse for public education.  You know what ASD? Just give all the students guns and send them out into the neighborhood. That's pretty much what's going on anyway, so save us all some time, let the teachers collect their pensions, and may the last person with a job in Allentown carry the tax burden all by themself. I'm so pissed off I may do like everyone else and move to Emmaus.

Clowns want to ride their bicycles, and think we should pave the park so they can do it.

 Sorry I haven't posted much. Between the baby, the wife, and my need to buy stock in all diaper manufacturers I 've been busy.

  Yesterday the Morning CAW let some delusional liberal wacky wack post an editorial about how Allentown could be turned into Shangri-fuckin-la if only our city Clowns would take the advice of some outfit from North Carolina.

  One more fuckin' example of letting morons from a thousand miles away tell us what we should want.

 Let me sum it up for you and it won't cost you several hundred thousand dineros in consulting fees. I'll do it for free:

 WE DON"T NEED NO STINKIN' BIKEPATHS!

  You want to ride your bike, go out to the Helldrome in bumfuck Macungie. That's why Rodale built the damn thing. I already worry about cars when I'm walking on 19th street, the damn things can't stay off the curb. If you try and take a walk by Trexler's statue off Cedar Crest you have bike nuts whizzin' by as it is.

  I like PEDESTRIAN COMMUNITIES. That means walking to my store, my barber, and even for my beer at Volpe's. Hell if the city wants to fix something, fix the goddamn sidewalks. Try walking down Linden Street sometime from 7th heading west. You will see what I mean.

   For the love of God, why do we always talk about spending money to help the smallest fuckin' minority?
   This batwhacked plan of theirs isn't going to encourage anybody to ride their bike, its just gonna make the extremely small number speed demons who could give a fuck about my wife and I holding hands while walking a path more aggressive. Now we are going to be pushing a stroller when it gets warm, so I am gonna be worrying that they will knock my daughter into the air.What about my right to walk the park and not worry about getting slammed?
 
  Read Mike Molovinskys blog about where to go and bitch. I have a link to him on my page. It's this Wednesday. I think.